


You Need A Big God, Big Enough To Hold Your Love

by IsabelArmuelles



Category: NCT (Band), WAYV
Genre: Fluff, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Johnny come get this Kun kith, Johnny is the sweetest baby to ever exist, Kun is a god, M/M, Strangers to Lovers, There’s An Anxiety Attack At The Beginning Of The Fic BEWARE, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, also Kun uses they/them pronouns, religious imagery but not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:22:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23943034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IsabelArmuelles/pseuds/IsabelArmuelles
Summary: Their gaze spoke more than a thousand words. It set Johnny’s heart alight, making it nearly beat out of his chest. He felt his knees grow weak, giving in under his weight.But Kun was there to catch him, to hold him.To love him.
Relationships: Suh Youngho | Johnny/Qian Kun
Comments: 16
Kudos: 94





	You Need A Big God, Big Enough To Hold Your Love

**Author's Note:**

> This fic has been cooking up since April 2019 and I swear if I didn’t post it now I would go ham over it
> 
> Long live Johnkun nation!!!

Johnny's erratic breaths were coming out in short puffs of air, the knot in his throat getting tighter and tighter. Constricting, asphyxiating. His hands clumsily fumbled for the keys inside his front pocket, barely being able to hold onto them as he quickly opened the door to his apartment.

It was awful, being stared at. The eyes on him. Judging. Intrigued. He'd once read about how the eye is attracted to motion. Any type of movement in a person's peripheral vision can trigger a shift in visual attention. 

Johnny had been the center of attention, and he'd hated every second of it.

It was just a simple mistake, a small slip of the fingers. Accidentally marking an item twice on the customer's grocery check out. Something so insignificant, that anyone would've just laughed off and tried to fix.

Sadly, said customer decided to show no mercy, calling Johnny's manager.

He still felt the ringing in his ears from when his manager yelled at him. He knew the guy had a vendetta against him, something about being the most liked employee by the customers just because of his looks. Johnny wasn't at fault for that, he couldn't change his face or the way he was born. The words his manager uttered - harsh, insulting, humiliating, and loud for everyone to hear - were enough to make Johnny shrink in size, as impossible as it sounded.

He was never fond of getting yelled at. Even as a kid, he tried to be on his best behaviour, only so his parents and teachers wouldn't scold him. It was something he couldn't handle, the way someone's voice rose making his anxiety rise with it. It also explained why he was never much of a party-goer, the loud noises and shouts from strangers making his ears hurt.

But of course his manager wouldn't care about that. Hell, none of the people standing there, enjoying the show like Johnny was a caged circus animal, gave a shit at all. He hated being stared at. He really did.

Of course with the loud scolding and public humiliation came what he dreaded the most: talking with his superiors in their office. His manager simply pushed him towards the main office and turned to the crowd, offering the fakest smile ever to lessen their worries. Johnny felt tears forming in his eyes, but he would rather drop dead than cry at work, in front of all those people.

He marched towards the office and explained what happened. Johnny wasn't a bad employee, not at all. He had been working at that supermarket for almost eight months, and not once had someone complained about him. He was let off the hook easily, and thanks to whatever deity looked over him, he was given the rest of the day off.

That still didn't mean his anxiety wasn't triggered. 

He stumbled into his apartment, barely able to contain his sobs as he locked the door behind him. He didn't bother taking his shoes or jacket off, just quickly made his way towards his room and closed the door.

If someone else were to look at his current state, see the way Johnny's hands were shaking as he gripped at his hair, pulling harshly, they would call him childish. Immature. Anyone else would've sucked it up, even answered rudely back to their manager. Anything not to be humiliated.

But Johnny wasn't like that. He was a kind soul. Harsh words weren’t a part of his vocabulary, and the thought of hurting someone and making them feel worthless like that had never crossed his mind. Not now, not ever.

He felt his knees buckling, the weight of his body being too much to hold up. They harshly slammed against the floor, but the pain barely registered in Johnny's mind, being too preoccupied with trying to breathe properly in between all the crying and sobbing. They would bruise, sure, but nothing could be worse than his spiking anxiety.

He ended up on all fours, one of his arms holding up his weight to avoid smashing his face against the floor, and the other against his chest, hand holding his neck lightly, as if that would suffice to aid him and fill his lungs with air. His breaths were coming out in small puffs, the sobs that escaped his lips in an uncontrollable manner making it harder than it already was. His eyes shut tightly when he started feeling dizzy, and white spots danced before his eyes, even after he had closed them.

And then he felt it.

It was barely noticeable, but a sudden warmth enveloped him slowly, spreading from his back all the way to his arms and legs, and then his chest and head. It was calming, like standing under the sun on a bright day, letting your skin soak in the rays of warmth. Johnny felt his arm give in, and ended up laying face down on his bedroom floor. He rolled to his side, the air slowly slipping back into his lungs and his sobs turning to small whimpers.

It took several minutes for him to fully calm down, for the tears to stop streaming down his face. The warmth stayed with him, like a comforting presence, a caring hug. He was feeling drained to the bone, the steady rise and fall of his chest and the sound of his breathing softly lulling him to sleep. 

Right as he was about to fall asleep, he felt a small, lingering touch against his cheek, as light as a feather's touch.

His eyes closed, and he fell into a dreamless sleep.

~~~~~~~

Johnny quit his job the next day. Not only because he didn't feel comfortable going there and looking at his coworkers, the ones who witnessed him getting yelled at and didn't even do shit, but because he knew someone as toxic as his manager would only keep spiking his anxiety, and Johnny knew better than to stay in a place like that.

Just like back in elementary school, when a group of boys wouldn't stop picking at Johnny and pointing out his insecurities just to taunt him, so he asked his parents to change him from school altogether.

It wasn't that he was running away from things, not at all. He just knew how to pick his battles, and knew what was his weakest point.

He decided not to worry too much about money. He could always ask his parents for a little help while he looked for another job, and could offer his services as a photographer for a little while to make a couple of bucks.

Johnny got back to his apartment after walking around the city for a bit to clear his head. Things weren't exactly going north for him, but he wasn't one to complain, since he knew that some people had it worse and no one other than him truly cared about his problems. Maybe he would tell his friends about it after finding a new job. Doyoung, Ten, and Taeyong definitely deserved to know.

He placed his keys on the little decorative plate that his mother got him when he first moved into the place, a little gift that came with some matching vases and pots. He had those stored somewhere in his closet, not really being useful to him. The only thing he kept out was the plate, just so he could claim his apartment did have decorations.

His couch sank under his weight as he laid in it, head against one of his throw pillows and legs curled up towards his chest. The day was gloomy, and so was his mood, so he decided to keep his T.V. on as background noise while he took a well deserved nap.

A sudden noise startled him awake. It was as if someone was mixing something inside a ceramic cup, an awfully familiar clinking sound, given the amount of times Johnny had spent drinking some tea late at night to calm his nerves. He cracked his eyes open, trying to get rid of the fogginess of sleep. His apartment was a bit darker than when he first arrived, the big gray clouds that covered the city letting little sunlight filter through them, even if it still was around noon.

Johnny raised one of his hands to rub at his eyes, the clinking noise faltering and then picking up again after a few seconds. It came from somewhere in the kitchen, not close enough to be very loud but still very noticeable.

The second the sleepy haze wore off, Johnny abruptly sat up. There was no way he was imagining the sound, it was too clear to be a product of his imagination. It couldn't be one of his friends either, Taeyong was the only one with the key to his apartment, and he was out of town visiting his mom. Johnny distinctly remembered locking the door when he arrived, so clearly it wasn't that either.

Oh fuck. Someone was in his house.

Clearly, that someone hadn't noticed Johnny sleeping on the couch, since he was still fine and very much alive, and even if they did notice him, they were merciful enough not to harm him. That was good. "H-hello?" He called out, mentally slapping himself for doing exactly the same dumb thing that all main characters in every horror movie did before getting horribly murdered. He slowly stood up, hoping that at least his height would be of help and possibly scare off whoever was in his house, since he was the least confrontational person ever.

With careful steps, he approached the kitchen and hid behind the wall just around the corner. His heart was beating loudly against his chest, and he prayed that it wouldn't actually be that noisy, considering even something like that could give him away. He took one last deep breath and willed himself to pop his head around the corner and take a peek inside.

A big cloud of black smoke was floating in the middle of his kitchen, keeping a mug suspended in the air. The spoon inside kept on moving, as if someone were moving it and stirring calmly, and Johnny had to blink a couple of times to make sure he wasn't just imagining things. After checking that he was, in fact, looking at a black cloud with a mug and not losing his mind, he did the next dumb thing he could think of.

"Hello?"

In the blink of an eye, the black cloud dissipated and the mug fell to the ground, shattering completely and spilling everywhere. Some of the liquid splashed onto Johnny's bare foot, burning him in the process. Johnny let out a yelp, stumbling down to the ground right at the entrance of his kitchen and cradling his foot between his hands. He quickly glanced around, trying to see if he could spot the black smoke again. The initial sting of the burn turned into a dull pain, and Johnny tried his best not to let tears fall.

Then he felt it again. The familiar warmth that enveloped him during his anxiety attack the previous day, embracing him carefully and soothing him in the strangest of ways. As the warmth spread across his body, the pain in his foot subsided, turning into a small tingling sensation, before disappearing completely.

Johnny's tears spilled from his eyes without him noticing. He was feeling like a child again, a small kid with limbs a tad too big for his age, cowering away in the corner of his room after experiencing an anxiety attack for the first time and not knowing what it meant. 

The familiar caress from before felt more real this time. Like a warm, inviting hand stroking his cheek and wiping his tears away. Johnny suddenly felt calm, his breath coming out even and steady. He softly hummed in contentment, letting his eyes flutter shut for a moment.

Whatever the warmth was, Johnny was slowly growing accustomed to it.

~~~~~~

"I'm not shitting you, there really was a cloud of black smoke right there." Johnny vaguely pointed at the general space of his kitchen, tone growing exasperated as he repeated himself for what could be the eighth time. Ten walked further into the kitchen, glancing around, while Doyoung checked the vent above the stove.

Johnny had called his best friends after cleaning up the mess in his kitchen and tried to explain what had happened, but since his words were a jumbled mess and his breathing had picked up its pace, Doyoung decided to just grab Ten and drive to Johnny's place to check on the oldest.

Once the two had arrived, Johnny began retelling the previous succession of events, but decided to spare the details on the fact that he was now unemployed. They didn't need to know, not yet at least.

Doyoung gave him a serious look after he finished inspecting the vents. "Johnny, have you been taking your meds?"

Johnny nodded, a bit uncertain on how that had anything to do with the cloud of smoke. Ten opened one of the kitchen cabinets and began looking through it quietly.

"I always take them, you know I do."

"You're not picking up old habits, are you? Remember you can't drink or smoke while taking your meds, the mix won't do you any good at all." Doyoung reprimanded, keeping his tone careful and even, as if talking to a child.

"Of course I know that, why would-" It suddenly dawned on him, right when Ten pulled out the two bottles of pills Johnny had to take on a daily basis, counting them and checking the expiration date. He watched as the shorter exchanged a look with Doyoung, whose expression changed ever so slightly. "You guys don't believe me..."

Ten's head snapped towards him, a smile stretching across his face. It looked normal, almost natural, but after all the years of friendship Johnny could tell it wasn’t reaching his eyes. "Of course we believe you! We're just worried about you, that's all."

Johnny shook his head, taking a step back. "No you don't. You think I'm making this up."

Silence settled upon them, Johnny's eyes going from Ten's faltering smile to Doyoung's schooled expression. A few seconds passed, though they felt more like minutes, before Doyoung sighed and let his shoulders drop.

"We found out you quit your job." Doyoung said, dropping the bomb on Johnny.

"H-how-"

"I went to the supermarket before your lunch break and they told me you quit today early in the morning. I guessed you would've told us at your own time since you were probably upset about it, but then you called rambling on about a black cloud and a warm hug and I thought you were going bonkers." He explained, voice growing quiet at the last couple of words.

Johnny stayed silent, taking it all in. Not only did his friends not believe him, they thought he was straight up hallucinating, or even worse, mixing alcohol and drugs with his meds out of pure depression because he quit his job.

He scoffed, staring icily at his friends. "I have anxiety, not schizophrenia. I'm not imagining things. I know what I saw."

"Johnny look, maybe you're a bit sleep deprived and you were just imagining things-"

"No!"

"Johnny, we're just worried about you!" Doyoung exclaimed, pitch a bit too loud for Johnny's liking. He hated getting yelled at. He really did.

Johnny winced, body recoiling like a puppy who just had its tail stepped on. Doyoung's eyes widened in realization, immediately regretting it. Johnny's friends all knew not to yell at him, knew that they had to be gentle to their tall friend.

"Johnny, I'm sorry-"

"I know." Johnny reassured. He knew Doyoung and Ten meant no harm, they were just worried about him, but this entire interaction was starting to overwhelm him a bit. Johnny exhaled softly, trying to ease his own nerves and beating heart, before offering a small smile to Doyoung. "It's okay, you didn't mean it."

"I'm sorry." Doyoung said again, voice barely above a whisper. Johnny slowly made his way to him, standing in front of his friend and opening his arms. Doyoung embraced him, hiding his face in the older's neck. "I didn't wanna make you upset or call you a liar."

"It sounds a bit dumb, I know." Johnny chuckled, squeezing Doyoung a bit.

"It's not dumb, not if it managed to calm you down and ground you during an anxiety attack."

"Thank you black cloud of smoke! Please take care of our Johnny!" Ten called out, walking in a circle inside the kitchen, making sure that his voice was heard inside the room. They ended up giggling at how silly it all was, but Johnny was grateful for his friends.

Ten and Doyoung decided to stay around for a couple of hours. Doyoung stayed close to Johnny at all times, making sure that the older knew how much he cared and worried about him. He kept on apologizing, getting so annoying at one point that Johnny threatened to hug him like an octopus if he didn't shut up. Ten, on the other hand, took up Johnny's offer and ended up squished between the taller's arms, Doyoung cuddling by their side as they watched Dumbo on Johnny's old T.V.

They left somewhere around midnight, right after the second movie had ended. Johnny promised to call them if the cloud of smoke appeared again, or if his anxiety decided to spike up out of nowhere. He walked them both to Doyoung's car, receiving bone-crushing hugs from his friends.

As he made his way back inside his apartment, the familiar sound made him stop in his tracks. The clinking was back. The cloud of smoke was back. Johnny quietly closed the front door and hid behind a wall, poking his head around the corner. The smoke worked swiftly, opening and closing the pantry and fridge with minimal effort, making another cup of what Johnny could now recognize as tea. It was the one Johnny had bought the previous week, a blend of cinnamon with apples and another weird Peruvian herb that was meant to help the body relax.

Johnny watched in a trance as the cup floated around, - a yellow one with little paw prints that Taeyong had gifted him around the time he had gone through his DIY phase,- the cloud of smoke preparing some tea. It was bonkers, he knew that, but his eyes were not deceiving him as he watched the smoke turn the stove on.

Amazing.

Anyone else would've found it terrifying, and maybe it was, but Johnny was too exhausted to care. He knew better than to disturb the smoke, since he didn't want it to disappear again, so he calmly waited for it to be done with the cup.

It was rather entertaining to watch, hot water being poured into a floating cup, like a scene taken out form a movie about magic. The smoke stirred the drink, and then finally placed the cup on the counter, disappearing after completing the task.

Johnny tiptoed into the kitchen, trying to keep the sound of his footsteps to a bare minimum, until he was right in front of the cup. He peeked inside.

Yeah, that was tea, alright.

He glanced around, not knowing where to look, and then pointed at himself. "For me?" He asked out loud.

A soft caress to his cheek.

"Thank you."

He held the cup with both hands, instantly feeling them warm up. Johnny raised the cup to his lips, taking a tentative sip and humming when the taste of cinnamon and apple hit his tongue. The tea wasn't scalding hot, in fact it was the exact temperature that Johnny always drank his whenever he made some for himself.

"It's really good. Thank you." 

Another caress, one that lingered a few more seconds.

Johnny thought back to what Ten had exclaimed inside his kitchen, thanking the black cloud and asking it to take care of him. Maybe this was its way of doing it.

Johnny couldn’t help but let his curiosity show, staring intently at the cup before mumbling shyly. "Are you gonna take care of me?"

A few moments passed, in which Johnny immediately regretted asking. Before he could let out an apology, the warmth enveloped his cheeks, like tender hands holding his face, before a small peck of hot air settled on his forehead, planted for a couple of seconds like a small kiss.

Johnny smiled. He was grateful. 

~~~~~~

Johnny had completely forgotten how anxiety-inducing job interviews were. His job at the supermarket had been a lucky shot, really, since his interview only lasted five minutes and the job didn't really require a curriculum of sorts, just people willing to smile at annoying customers and flexible working hours. 

For two weeks on end, Johnny had been going to endless interviews for mundane jobs and arriving home completely drained by the interactions. Each night, the black smoke made some nice tea for him and disappeared, leaving Johnny to ramble on about how his day went and receiving small taps on his cheeks as a sign to continue his story.

As odd as it was, Johnny was growing accustomed to it. Having someone, or well, something to come home to, even if it was just a cloud of smoke.

He was definitely going crazy.

After a rather long interview, Johnny arrived home exhausted. He dragged himself into his home and lazily took off his jacket and shoes, not bothering to arrange them neatly by the door.

"Hey, I'm back." He called out, tossing his keys into the plate and walking towards the kitchen. "I'm so tired, you won't believe the guy I just had to deal with."

Inside the kitchen, the cloud of smoke was buzzing around, disappearing and reappearing from one side of the room to the other, carrying around ingredients. Johnny squinted.

"Are you making dinner?"

A carrot froze in mid air.

"I didn't know you cooked, just thought you made some great tea."

The carrot was slowly lowered.

"Wish I could eat with you, really." Johnny voiced out, walking towards the cloud and carefully taking the vegetable. Warmth radiated from the smoke, and Johnny smiled to himself. "Can I ask you some questions?"

The smoke shifted, making its way towards the fridge. Two small decorative magnets moved, one small green apple and one tomato magnet.

Johnny only stared.

"Green for yes and red for no?"

The green magnet moved.

Johnny smiled again. "Great! Well, uh, first of all, are you comfortable with me asking these questions? Because I totally get it if you aren't."

Slowly, the green magnet moved in a circle.

"Oh, okay. That's cool. Uhm, so, what are you? Like a spirit or something?" 

The green magnet moved first, and then the red one. A maybe. Kind of. Johnny gulped.

"Do you mean no harm?"

Green.

"Are you really going to take care of me?"

Green. Big circle.

"Do you have a physical form besides smoke?"

Green again.

"Can I see it?"

Red. Fast and big circle.

Johnny pouted like the big child he was. "Why not? Are you scared I won't like it?"

Green. Small and slow movement.

"I think you're lovely, no matter what."

No movements. A soft thud against the fridge.

"Will I be able to see your physical form soon? Please?"

Green. Big circle. Red. Small circle.

Johnny nodded, deciding against asking more questions. "Okay, I won't pressure you. You can show me when you feel comfortable enough. Just know that I won't judge." Another soft thud came from the fridge door, and Johnny smiled. "Do you need some help with dinner?"

Green.

~~~~~~

It was raining, big droplets pelting against the windows of Johnny's apartment. The evening was cold, and Johnny wrapped his blanket around himself tightly, eyes focused on a video playing on his phone. It was a step-by-step baking video, a recipe of brownies with oreos and all sorts of diabetes inducing sweets, one that he'd been wanting to try for a while now.

"This looks nice." He said to no one in particular, snuggling into his blanket. The soft tapping on his cheek signaled him that the smoke was present, and that made him smile absentmindedly. "Hi." Another soft tap. "Do you think we can make this together?"

The soft caress against his cheek left Johnny feeling giddy. He was starting to think that the smoke really liked his cheeks, especially the one that had a small dimple whenever he smiled.

"It's kinda cold, don't you think?" Johnny said, an off-hand comment more than anything. He felt a soft poke against his side, and the warmth began spreading across his back. If he closed his eyes, he could easily imagine being cuddled by someone, warm arms wrapping around his waist like it was the most normal thing ever. "Do you like cuddles?"

Johnny had expected another poke on the cheek, but a blow of cool air tickled his neck, making him let out a giggle. He would've been embarrassed if anyone else were to witness him make such sound, but he knew - and he was sure of it - that the smoke wouldn't judge him at all.

"That tickles." He mumbled, shifting to his side and turning on his bed so he would be facing the source of warmth. Of course, there was nothing there, Johnny had learned a while back that the smoke liked to change into its 'invisible' form whenever it touched Johnny, and he wasn't one to complain.

"I wish I could hold you too."

Maybe he should've kept quiet, kept that one thought inside his head, and tried his best to keep it from slipping past his lips, but the words just tumbled out, unplanned. Johnny's eyes widened as he felt the warmth slip from his side, leaving him cold and alone.

"N-no, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, come back!" He called out desperately, sitting up on his bed, letting the blanket fall and expose his t-shirt covered chest to the cold air in the room. Johnny shuddered, but pulled the blanket off and hopped out of bed, desperately glancing around in hopes of catching any type of movement inside the room.

"I'm sorry." He said again, voice cracking at the end. His lower lip trembled slightly at the thought of losing what had become his friend during the past weeks, an unnatural being that had somehow carved a place in his heart and was so dear to him.

Johnny had always been seen as independent. A little quiet and shy, but able to fend for himself still. His parents loved him dearly, but they weren't the type to pamper him and show much physical affection, and even if his friends were touchy with him, he didn't have them around as much as he would've wanted to. 

To put it simply, the smoke had become an important part of Johnny's life, the thing that listened to him ramble for hours on end and helped him take better care of himself. It was nice to feel like he really mattered to someone - something - enough to have them care for you so lovingly. Somewhere around the second week, Johnny had realized how touch starved, how cuddle deprived he'd been.

Johnny didn't want to go back to that at all.

Movement caught his eye, a pen on his desk uncapping unceremoniously. Johnny stared at it intently, watching as it began scribbling on a torn piece of paper from one of Johnny's notebooks. He approached his desk, slowly, breath hitching at the letters that messily appeared on the paper.

'You won't like it'

"Not true." Johnny immediately answered, a frown gracing his features. Even if the smoke's physical form was unpleasant to look at Johnny was certain that he would still be happy with just having it around. He voiced this out, trying to slip as much fondness into his tone as possible.

The pen seemed to halt its movements, as if the smoke was hesitating. Johnny waited patiently, a smile stretching across his face as it scribbled again.

'Are you sure?'

Johnny nodded vigorously, the smile never slipping off his face. "More than anything."

'Close your eyes.'

With that command, Johnny quickly covered his eyes with both hands, even closing them not to spoil the surprise for himself. He didn't even wanna take a peek, since he felt like that would make everything disappear, make the cloud of smoke vanish from his life, and he couldn't have that. 

Johnny kept his eyes closed, even as a gush of hot wind blew against him, the sound of footsteps echoing around the room right after. Some rustling, the sound of drawers opening and closing. Johnny was dying of curiosity.

A gasp escaped his lips as warm hands - he was about to panic, the skin was so soft - took hold of his wrists and pulled his hands away from his face. Johnny squeezed his eyes shut, suddenly scared of opening them.

"Johnny." A voice softly called out, sweet like honey and all types of lovely. Johnny's eyes shot open, locking with beautiful brown eyes that stared back at him.

"Oh my-" Johnny began, but the phrase got cut short when his eyes fell upon the rest of the other's face.

Absolutely stunning. 

Taking a small step back, Johnny let his eyes roam over the person before him. Brown curls sat atop their head, falling over their eyes and thick brows. A button nose, pretty and refined, full pink lips, high cheekbones, strong jaw, pretty, pretty... gorgeous.

"You're breathtaking." Johnny gushed, sounding completely breathless. Somewhere in his mind he registered the fact that the other was wearing Johnny's clothes, the shirt and shorts looking far too big for their body.

"I'm not." They mumbled shyly, lowering their head and letting their shoulders sag. "This is barely a shadow of what I was before-"

"And yet you still managed to take my breath away." Johnny interrupted, taking a step towards the other. "What's your name? I've been referring to you as a cloud of b-"

"Of black smoke, I know." They teased, smiling softly. Johnny felt his breath hitch, the sight so beautiful and new that all he could do was stare. 

"Call me Kun."

~~~~~~

Kun was, for the lack of better words, absolutely perfect. 

Johnny took his sweet time admiring the other, trying to memorize their face and commit the sound of their voice to memory. It was intoxicating, the way Kun spoke, with such a light and pretty tone, careful with their words and nothing short of elegant.

Kun was achingly close to a god, but not really. It was hard to understand at first, and Johnny had to focus all his energy in paying attention to Kun's story, since it was a jumbled mess. They were an ancient being, an old spirit that enjoyed roaming the world and searching for mortals that could venerate them. With the modern world though, Kun had to go back to their spirit form, losing strength and hiding from the prying eyes.

They explained that they once were big and strong, loved by many, but now they were just an empty shell of what once used to be. Kun had been tired, their days of roaming and traveling the world were far too tiring for them, and all they wanted was a place to rest.

And then Johnny showed up, trembling and on the verge of a breakdown. Kun took interest in this one person, a man that was not afraid to show emotion and to let it consume him, something Kun hadn’t seen in all of their centuries of existence. They uninvitedly followed Johnny to his home, and when they noticed that the other was struggling to breathe, they decided to do the next best thing, a warm embrace.

"You see, I felt like that's what you needed. Someone to ground you, to hold you and ask no questions." Kun explained, curled up beside Johnny as they shared a blanket. Their head was hidden on the crook of Johnny's neck, and Johnny could feel the soft puffs of air against his skin as the other exhaled. "It wasn't pity, not at all. I just had this sudden urge to protect you, and I guess that's why I stayed."

"Are you thinking of leaving?" Johnny asked, desperate to know. Kun could sense it, could feel it in the way Johnny's hands tightened slightly against the fabric of their shirt, could hear it in the tone of his voice.

"Not anytime soon." Kun answered, cuddling up impossibly closer to Johnny. "You see, my dear, when you live as long as me, things begin to lose their purpose. People don't believe in gods or demons anymore, they only think of themselves and don't answer to anybody. Times change. And many others preferred to die rather than live to see the day men would proclaim themselves as their own gods."

"Some tried to find another purpose. Rename themselves. Make humans venerate them in different ways. Money. Power. Lust. But it didn't feel right. I observed, quietly, and searched for my own purpose." Kun raised their head, propping it on Johnny's shoulder so they were face to face. Kun's eyes were mesmerizing, small specs of gold shining under the light of Johnny's bedside lamp. "I think I've found mine."

Johnny's brows furrowed. "You think?"

Kun averted their eyes, squishing their cheek against Johnny's shoulder so he wouldn't have to look into their eyes. "Well, I feel like I've found mine..." Their hands slowly made their way towards Johnny's own, holding onto them tenderly. "But I can't force anything onto you. I wouldn't forgive myself if I did. I came here uninvited, and no ancient high status can change that fact."

"Kun..." Johnny whispered. That was all he could say, all that would come out of his mouth. Not only had Kun barged into his life and made it better, they had given Johnny something he didn't even know he needed. Company.

Coming home to someone, talking to them, being embraced, feeling happy... were foreign things to him. He'd dreamt of having them, sure, but not in the way Kun had given them to him. Johnny felt safe with them, felt cared for. It was a strange thing, growing so fond of someone you couldn't see. Couldn't hear.

It was all feeling, feeling and trusting.

Johnny trusted Kun.

"Please stay. For as long as you'll have me."

Kun smiled, a beautiful thing that lit up the whole room. Johnny felt his heartbeat accelerate.

"Forever, then."

~~~~~~

Johnny found a job at a small convenience store, run by a lovely family that took a liking to Johnny's calm and easy-going nature. The pay wasn't much, but Johnny simply decided that he could try to accommodate his lifestyle to it. 

Kun was lovely. There was no other way to describe it. Every morning they prepared a small breakfast for Johnny, helped around the house, cooked, cleaned, and gave the best hugs. Johnny was happy, things were turning out okay for him.

Johnny arrived at his apartment a few minutes past six, holding a bouquet of pretty yellow carnations, something he spotted out of the corner of his eye as he made his way down one of the main streets.

They immediately reminded him of Kun. He felt like he needed to give the other something, a small token of his appreciation towards everything they had done for him. Johnny used the spare change he had left, and held the flowers carefully against his chest.

He quickly unlocked the door, toeing off his shoes and shrugging off his jacket. The flowers were hidden behind his back as he walked further into his apartment, tiptoeing quietly.

"Kun?"

"In the kitchen!" He heard Kun call out. Johnny smiled.

Johnny made his way into the kitchen, walking in on the most adorable sight ever. Kun stood on their tippy toes, one hand holding a bowl of batter while the other reached up to grab at a box inside the pantry. Some batter was smudged on their cheek, and Johnny felt the sudden need to wipe it off himself.

"What are you making?"

"Cookies." Kun answered grinning, carefully leaving the bowl on the counter to jump into Johnny's embrace. Kun was clingy. Loved hugging and cuddling Johnny, and the human's heart swelled with affection each time.

"Were you watching baking videos on youtube again?" Johnny teased, lifting a hand to wipe at the sugary smudge on Kun's cheek while the other hid the bouquet. They let out the loveliest giggle when Johnny leaned down and left a soft peck in the spot where the batter had been.

"Maybe I was," Kun answered, patting Johnny's chest lightly and looking into his eyes, "Maybe I want to impress your friends when I formally meet them."

"Right, I forgot you saw Ten and Doyoung when they came over that one time."

"And they called you a liar." Kun reminded him, laughing at the way Johnny scrunched up his face.

"I wasn't lying!"

"Of course you weren't, my dear. But I felt like you were the only one I could trust with showing myself." Kun wrapped their hands around Johnny's waist, pulling him closer. Johnny allowed himself to bury his face into Kun's hair, inhaling the scent of what could only be described as home. 

Kun felt like home.

"What are we going to tell them, then?"Johnny asked, voice muffled. Kun hummed.

"We can say that we're lovers."

Johnny froze. He was not expecting that. "Lovers?" He questioned, voicing it out more to himself than anything. The word sent a pleasant tingle down his spine.

Kun nodded. "Lovers gift each other flowers." They plucked the bouquet out of Johnny's hold, laughing at the pout Johnny gave them.

"Hey! Those were a surprise!" Johnny nearly whined, trying hard to conceal the smile that threatened to break onto his face.

"They're lovely." Kun mused, running their fingers over the petals. They took their sweet time admiring the flowers, and Johnny took his sweet time admiring Kun. The small part of their lips, the faint blush of their cheeks, the way their eyes sparkled in interest. Kun was so, so precious to him. "Thank you, my dear."

"Anything for you." Johnny answered, blushing immediately. Kun smiled at him, all kinds of cheeky, and turned around to rummage through the cabinets in search of a vase.

"My dear, can you take down the baking soda? I can't reach it. It should be at the back of the cabinet." Kun asked while they filled the vase with water. Johnny complied, setting it beside the bowl of batter and turning to look back at Kun. They moved around gracefully, like a practiced dance, light on their feet and movements refined. Johnny thought he could spend his whole life just watching Kun move around. Kun broke the silence a few moments later. "So? What do you think?"

"About what?"

"Being lovers." Kun halted their steps, but kept their back to Johnny. "I understand if you don't want to do it, we can come up with another excuse. I would hate to make you uncomfortable."

"Kun, can you please look at me?"

They turned around on the spot, hands clasped in front of them. Kun looked tiny to Johnny.

The ancient being had told many stories to the human, stories about the beginning of time and the great displays of power that gods and demons alike exhibited. They had spoken of legends, of great men and women, stories that seemed taken out of a fairytale but were real and part of Kun's history. Kun had been a powerful being, but standing here, under the lights of Johnny's tiny kitchen, they looked like the most vulnerable being ever. Johnny wanted to protect them too.

He took a few tentative steps forward, almost caging Kun against the counter. They looked up at Johnny, specks of gold dancing in their eyes, and the small tilt of their head was all it took for Johnny to finally let his feelings out.

"I don't want it to be an excuse. I do want us to be lovers, but for real. Let me take care of you too. Let me show you how much you mean to me." Johnny stared deeply into Kun's eyes, getting lost in the pools of brown. They looked warm, inviting. "You are my purpose, just as much as I am yours."

Silence fell over them, Johnny’s words hanging over them like a thick blanket. Kun stared at him, expression unreadable. Their mouth was slightly agape, tongue shyly darting out, as if to taste the heaviness of Johnny’s words.

Johnny was patient, very much so, one of his many positive traits. ‘The patience of a saint’ is what any of his friends would’ve said if asked about the matter at hand. He always managed to stay calm, even in the most dire of situations.

But as Kun’s eyes bored holes into him, scanning every bit of his face, almost dipping into his soul, he felt as antsy and restless as ever.

Johnny felt ready to backtrack on his words, seconds from letting out a jumbled mess to cover up the fact that his feelings were exposed, out there in the open and permanently embedded into Kun’s mind, when suddenly a breathtaking smile overtook their features, nearly knocking Johnny off his axis at the aggressive whiplash he got from it.

That smile, that beautiful blessing that lit up Johnny’s entire world was aimed at him in full force. In the back of his mind, he thought that he would never be able to get used to it, and it probably had to do with the fact that Kun wasn’t really human, his supernatural nature showing, but also because it was something so inherently Kun, it made Johnny weak on the knees.

“Your purpose…” They whispered under their breath, as if feeling the weight of the words on their tongue. Johnny stared expectantly, still at a loss of words,- or coherent thoughts for that matter,- after being struck dumb by the other’s smile. Kun closed their eyes for a moment, taking a deep inhale and letting out a content sigh. It was hard for Johnny not to let his eyes travel down to Kun’s lips. “I like the sound of that.”

And suddenly the gap between them disappeared. Kun placed their hands on Johnny’s cheeks, that comforting warmth he had grown so accustomed to seeping right through his skin, Kun’s face closer than ever. Johnny could count the other’s lashes, could see the specks of gold in their eyes swirling around in the irises. Pretty.

Kun remained close to Johnny, the human wrapping his arms around their waist, bringing them impossible closer. And yet, neither of them moved. Kun’s eyes were so expressive, silently asking for permission. Johnny smiled.

They kissed.

It was something soft and small, a press of the lips that meant everything to the both of them. Kun’s lips were warm too, soft against Johnny’s own, plush and full and all kinds of lovely. Was it possible to get completely intoxicated from a simple kiss?

Johnny’s question was immediately answered when Kun changed the angle of the kiss, tilting their head slightly to the side for better access. Yes, he could easily get completely high on how wonderful Kun’s lips felt on his.

Kun’s thumbs caressed the apples of Johnny’s cheeks as they pulled away, their breath fanning against Johnny’s lips softly. Slowly, Johnny opened his eyes, smiling at the slight blissed out expression on Kun’s face, their own eyes half-lidded and as gold as ever.

Completely over the moon and content, Johnny leaned in and began peppering kisses all over Kun’s face, trying to cover as much soft skin as possible with tiny little pecks. Kun giggled,- actually giggled, god, Johnny was going crazy because of it,- and planted their hands on Johnny’s shoulders to steady themselves after trying to wriggle away from his attack of affection.

Johnny gave one last kiss to Kun’s face, right in the middle of their forehead, before pulling away and grinning at them. “I’m so happy.”

Kun laughed, soft and airy, the most beautiful sound Johnny had ever heard. They placed both their hands on Johnny’s chest, immediately feeling the wild beating of Johnny’s heart. “I’m very happy too, my dear.”

~~~~~~~

Introducing Kun to his friends seemed like a great idea at the time, but now, standing in front of Doyoung and Ten’s small house,- a cute little place they decided to buy together, since Doyoung was tired of having to deal with his upstairs neighbors in his old apartment and Ten’s own place kept flooding due to a bad plumbing job, (It worked out perfectly for them in the end, because sharing the same living space got them to realize their feelings for each other after many years of pining),- Johnny felt like he was about to vomit the breakfast Kun had made for him.

A hand softly held onto his bicep, the only thing that kept him grounded. They both had taken a bus to his friends’ house, walking the short distance from the bus stop to Doyoung and Ten’s block. And yet, the realization had settled in right as they stepped onto the driveway.

Shit. He was really gonna introduce Kun to his friends.

Johnny was feeling anxious. He wanted his friends to like Kun, wanted them to accept his lover into their friend group. He knew it was a bit irrational to be so worked up over it, Kun was the loveliest person ever and his friends were nothing but caring and accepting, but it still made his chest feel tight and heavy.

They had been standing next to Doyoung’s beat up car for ten minutes already, Johnny trying to control himself and his erratic breathing while Kun held onto him and whispered comforting words, sweet little nothings to his ear.

“I can’t do this. Fuck- I can’t do it, Kun.” Johnny’s hands fisted at his sides, taking hold of the fabric of his jeans and bunching it tightly. He closed his eyes, feeling dizzier by the second.

He felt Kun place their hand on the small of his back, touch burning with familiarity. They had been so excited at the prospect of meeting the people Johnny held close to his heart, even going as far as baking some desserts for Johnny’s friends to enjoy,- the cute little chocolate truffles and butter cookies that they had learned how to make by watching baking videos at night while cuddling next to Johnny in the human’s bed.

Johnny couldn’t do that to them, couldn’t let them down and let their hard work go to waste just because he was having a panic attack over something extremely irrational.

“My dear,” Kun began, hand on Johnny’s back growing warmer by the second. Johnny knew what the other was doing, using their magic on him to calm him down. The warmth quickly spread over his back. “It’s okay. We can postpone this and tell your friends you were not feeling well, nothing wrong with that.”

They raised their other hand to Johnny’s face after carefully placing the bag that held the pastries on the floor beside them. Johnny tilted his head to the side and placed a soft kiss on the inside of Kun’s wrist, right over their pulse. “N-no. Don’t.” He closed his eyes, leaning into Kun’s touch, back arching slightly so the hand on his back pressed closer. “I’ll be fine, let’s just go in, I’ll try to get it together.”

Soft lips pressed against his in a fluttering kiss, and he allowed his eyes to open, feeling a bit better. Kun searched his face, trying to make sure Johnny was completely okay with going into the house. He still felt anxious, but he knew that if his friends saw the state he was in, they would give him some time to gather himself and calm down.

He gave a small nod, hoping Kun would get the message.

One thing Johnny adored about Kun was the way they were so in-tune with him, as if they could read his mind. He guessed it was easy for them to read people’s body language and expressions, given the many years they had been around, but there was something about the way they knew Johnny inside-out, always one step ahead of him, always knowing exactly what Johnny felt and being able to comfort him or help him immediately.

Kun offered a small smile, reaching down to pick up the bag of food before taking Johnny’s large hand in theirs and tugging him towards the house’s entrance. They rang the doorbell once and waited.

Johnny’s heart beat rapidly, his hands getting all sweaty and trembly again. Kun’s hold was firm, grounding. He buried his face on the soft locks of hair at the back of Kun’s head and took a deep breath, trying to calm down. Kun’s hair smelled like Johnny’s fruity conditioner, his brain supplied. Some tension left his shoulders.

Not even a minute had passed when the door swung open, a giddy looking Ten beaming at his guests. “You made it! Why did you guys take so long? It’s not like this is the first time you come over, Johnny, did you take the wrong bus again-“

Kun cut him off, smiling politely. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but Johnny’s not feeling well. Do you have anywhere he could sit down and rest for a bit? I promise it’s nothing bad.”

Ten was slightly taken aback by the sudden request, but one look at Johnny told him he should do as asked, the many years of knowing the older and having to ground him during attacks giving him enough knowledge on the matter. He nodded, stepping aside so the other two could walk into the house. He closed the door and guided them to the living room, shooting a look at Taeyong and Doyoung as they walked past the kitchen.

Kun placed the bag on the coffee table and carefully maneuvered Johnny so he was sitting comfortably on the largest couch. Neither of them had bothered to leave their shoes at the main entrance, so Kun knelt in front of Johnny and helped him get them off, taking off their own as well. Ten took both pairs as their other two friends entered the room.

Kun turned to them. “I’m sorry to bother, but could one of you make some tea for Johnny? Maybe get him a blanket too?”

“Of course!” Doyoung nodded, quickly walking out of the room, Ten and Taeyong trailing behind him to give Johnny and Kun some privacy. Once they were out of sight, Kun turned to Johnny, taking both his hands in theirs.

“Hello, my dear.”

Johnny squeezed their hands. “Hi.”

“We’re inside your friends’ house, see? You did it, Johnny.” He gave a small nod, letting Kun continue. “I need you to breathe with me, my dear. Try copying what I do, okay?”

The breathing exercise worked efficiently, and the small kisses that Kun peppered over Johnny’s hands helped him get rid of the angry static feeling inside his head. After calming down, his brain felt like goo, too overworked and tired of thinking. Taeyong had placed the mug filled with tea on the coffee table a few minutes prior, and Doyoung had left a big, fluffy blanket right beside Kun, not without whispering a small ‘thank you’ to them and then hurrying out of the room.

Kun hummed a tune that Johnny was unfamiliar with as they unfolded the blanket and wrapped it around his large frame, hands cupping his face after they were done. “Do you want some tea, my dear?”

Johnny nodded, letting himself be babied by his lover. Kun sat down beside Johnny after taking the cup, one of their hands coming up to hold Johnny’s chin while the other raised the cup to his lips. The tea wasn’t scalding hot anymore, but it still left a tingling sensation on Johnny’s tongue. He took a few sips, eyes never leaving Kun’s tenderly golden ones, that held so much love and affection in them.

Johnny was a lucky guy.

“Good?”

“Yeah, but the tea you make is better.” Johnny said, smiling sheepishly from behind the cup. He could’ve sworn Kun’s eyes sparkled at that.

“Hey! I heard that!” Taeyong whined as he entered the room, followed by Doyoung and Ten, who were poorly trying to conceal their laughter. Kun turned to smile at them. “My tea making skills are impeccable, thank you very much.”

“Don’t worry, he’s biased.” Doyoung teased, walking over and sitting on the floor, facing the couch. Ten decided to sit to the other side of Johnny, while Taeyong remained standing, small pout on his face.

“Am not!” Johnny tried to defend himself, looking small despite his large frame as he scooted closer to Kun, head resting on his lover’s shoulder. Doyoung looked seconds away from cooing at them.

“Oh sweetie, you definitely are.” This time Ten let out a giggle at the weak glare Johnny sent his way.

“I apologize for not introducing myself properly. My name is Kun-“

“Oh my god, you’re dating Johnny, right?” Ten gushed out excitedly, not even letting Kun finish their sentence. Doyoung smacked his thigh, making Ten let out a yelp. “Hey!”

“Don’t be rude.” Doyoung scolded, but anyone could easily notice there wasn't any real bite behind his words. Ten huffed, crossing his arms and leaning against Johnny, scooting away from his own boyfriend. Taeyong snickered from where he was standing.

Johnny could feel Kun’s hands softly threading through his hair, playing with his curls as a small fight broke out between Doyoung and Taeyong, who bickered over what could be considered rude or not. 

“Are they always like this?” Kun asked, whispering softly into Johnny’s ear. It sent a shiver down his spine, and he hid his face in the crook of Kun’s neck as he nodded in confirmation.

“Rude or not, they’re definitely dating. Look at them!” Ten interrupted, making the other two halt their bickering to turn and look at the happy couple. Johnny was sure his cheeks were pink from embarrassment. He whined at the unwanted attention, and Kun laughed softly, taking one of his hands into theirs.

“We are. It hasn’t been long, but we’re very happy.” Kun’s sweet voice was right beside Johnny’s ear, and he sighed dreamily as Kun’s hold on him tightened.

“That’s amazing! I’m so glad our shy giant has finally found someone to baby him.” Ten teased, laying a hand on Johnny’s thigh and squeezing it affectionately. Johnny childishly stuck his tongue out at his friend from the comfort of Kun’s shoulder.

“I’m not a baby.”

“Well...” Doyoung began, and soon another discussion began about whether Johnny was an overgrown baby or just too sweet for his own good.

Time passed faster than Johnny would like to admit. He attentively listened as Kun retold the story of how they met, something both of them had planned out on the days previous to their visit to Ten and Doyoung’s house, and perfected by adding on tiny details to make it seem more natural and believable. Kun had asked Johnny to keep their identity hidden, not because they didn’t trust Johnny’s friends, but because they preferred to maintain their human form and felt the most comfortable to switch with Johnny. It made Johnny happy to know that Kun trusted him with something so personal.

So instead, they told the others about how Kun had met Johnny the day before he quit his job at the supermarket, and how they had spent the entire day talking and getting to know each other at a coffee shop near Johnny’s apartment building. Kun explained that their living situation wasn’t ideal, so Johnny had offered them a place to stay in exchange for help around the flat. Odds worked in their favor, and their friendship quickly turned into something more, since they had a lot in common.

Taeyong swooned at the story, while Ten tried to pinch both Johnny’s and Kun’s cheeks. Doyoung wished them a happy relationship. It made Johnny giddy to know he had full support from his friends, and he sneaked a small kiss from Kun while the others were busying themselves with fighting over Kun’s cookies.

In the end, Kun fit into the friend group like a missing puzzle piece, the finished picture an exact replica of Johnny’s heart. They left after spending hours on end just talking and sharing stories, a few movies sneaked here and there as background noise. Johnny stayed glued to Kun’s side, snuggling up to them and blushing at his friends' constant but lighthearted teasing.

Kun’s hands slotted perfectly with Johnny’s as they aimlessly walked around Ten and Doyoung’s neighborhood, not wanting to go back home yet. The sun was already setting, the sky a beautiful mix of indigo and pink, with specks of orange here and there. It reminded Johnny of Kun, of their lovely voice and elegant demeanor, of how ethereal their looks were.  
“Did I tell you the story of a man who sold his soul to me for his wife to see a beautiful sunset, my dear?” Kun said, eyes trained on the changing colors of the sky above them. Johnny turned to look at them, breath catching in his throat as his eyes laid upon Kun’s side profile, skin glowing softly as they soaked in the last rays of sunshine.

“No, I don’t think so.”

Kun smiled, and Johnny could’ve sworn his heart did a somersault inside his chest. “Many years ago, in a small village, a man and a woman were very much in love. They had a small cottage, where they lived happily for many years, until she fell sick. They couldn’t afford any medicine, and many advised him to leave her and save himself, since he was still healthy and could contract whatever it was she had.” They slowed down their pace until they came to a full stop, and the cold night breeze picked up softly, ruffling Kun’s brown locks of hair. Johnny felt like he was in a trance. “But he didn’t want to give up on her. His love was too deep, deeper than the roots of an old tree. This brought a lot of attention to us deities, who felt his desperation, noticed his will to do anything to have her with him for a while longer, for his wife not to suffer.”

“What happened?” Johnny asked, taking a step closer to Kun, seeking for warmth as the breeze enveloped both of them.

“What he asked was simple; he wanted one last day with his wife, where they both could be free of illness and sadness, and at the end of the day, he wanted the most beautiful sunset to paint the sky, so she could bathe in the colors, and feel how much he loved her. And then, he wanted to die happily beside her once night fell, holding her tightly.”

Johnny gasped softly.

Kun’s smile turned melancholic. “No other deity wanted to fulfill his wish, so I had to sit and watch as he begged to all those that came before me and turned a blind eye once they found out that they would only be getting a poor soul out of it.”

“But you helped him, right?” Johnny’s hold on Kun’s hands tightened, eyeing them expectantly. The air was getting chillier by the minute, but Kun was warm, emanating heat like a campfire on a starry night. They locked eyes with Johnny, the gold in their irises swirling around softly, nearly glowing.

“I did my best to grant his wish, and asked for nothing in return. Seeing the love between them, so beautiful and strong, was enough for me. I cleared the skies for them, made flowers bloom around their small home, and picked the sweetest fruits for them to eat. It was a sight to see, just two happy souls enjoying each other’s presence, sharing kisses and sweet words. When the night was near, I poured my all into the sky, played with the colors like a muse to their harp.” A small tear escaped their eye, surprising both Kun and Johnny. A small star, a shiny little thing, rolled down Kun’s cheek, and Johnny caught it with the pad of his thumb, wiping it away. “They fell asleep together, and shared their last breath. By the law of a force bigger than me, his soul was mine to keep. But I didn’t want it. What good would it do to keep two lovers destined to be together away from each other?”

Johnny felt like he wasn’t close enough to Kun. The space between them felt like miles, a trench in the deep sea that went on until it turned to complete darkness, with creatures and beings unknown to humans. Johnny pulled them closer, the warmth not enough from afar. He wanted to be closer to the source, closer to the fire. Kun wrapped their arms around Johnny’s waist, fingers caressing the small of his back. Johnny felt overwhelmed by their proximity, but at the same time, he wanted more.

“What did you do, then?”

“I merged their souls together. It took me days and nights, years, centuries to get them so perfectly aligned, and when they became one, I sent them off to find a vessel they deemed worthy. I promised them that one day, our paths would cross and we’d see each other again, and I’d love them as much as they loved each other.”

Their gaze spoke more than a thousand words. It set Johnny’s heart alight, making it nearly beat out of his chest. He felt his knees grow weak, giving in under his weight.

But Kun was there to catch him, to hold him.

To love him.

“I found you, Johnny. I didn’t realize it at first, but every day I felt myself grow closer to you, as if you were pulling me in.” The streets around them were quiet, as if the world didn’t dare to disturb such a private, tender moment. They were in their own little bubble, Kun’s voice enveloping Johnny completely. More tears fell from their eyes, a constant stream of shiny pearls that adorned Kun’s cheeks. Johnny felt his eyes water too. “I love your heart, body, and soul, my dear.”

~~~~~~~

Johnny didn’t remember how they got back home, just that he silently cried as Kun held him, whispering sweet little nothings into his ear and running a comforting hand through his hair. A cup was placed between his hands, and Kun sat down next to him on the bed, letting Johnny cuddle up to them as they played with his hair.

“It’s not the usual tea, I saw this recipe online. Something about a Ponyo sweet tea.” Kun explained, brow furrowing as they recalled the name. Johnny sniffled, taking a long sip.

“I love Ponyo.” He was sure he looked like a hot mess, nose stuffy and eyes puffy, but Kun stared down at him with adoration in their eyes.

“Who is that?”

Another sip. “A character from a movie. It’s a really pretty movie.” Johnny used the sleeve of his sweater to wipe his face, sniffling once again. The tea was tasty, just like everything Kun made, and Johnny felt like the most pampered human ever, warm and cozy in the arms of his lover.

“Nothing is as pretty as you.”

Johnny blushed at least ten shades of pink at the words.

After finishing his cup, Johnny snuggled closer to Kun under the covers, holding unto Kun’s sleep shirt to keep himself grounded. It was one of Johnny’s, a humongous green thing that looked more like a pastel version of what it once was, thanks to all the washing and wearing. It fit loose on Kun’s frame, the neckline frayed and stretched out so it fell off one of their shoulders.

He fixed his eyes on the smooth skin, watching the few freckles that dusted Kun’s neck.

“You’re so beautiful.” Johnny whispered, voice dripping with awe as he took in the sight before him. He knew he’d never get tired of saying it, never get tired of admiring Kun’s looks and physique. Their eyes swirled with gold and their voice was laced with honey, soft and loving towards Johnny. He felt like he could never get enough. “I love you.”

Kun leaned in and planted a small kiss to Johnny’s lips, sending a pleasant tingle down his spine. They brought their hand up to cradle Johnny’s face, careful fingers meeting soft skin, warm against Johnny’s cheek. They ran their thumb against his cheekbone, down to his Cupid’s bow and lips, caressing the pad of their thumb against the pink skin. “I love you too, my dear.”

A soft hum escaped Johnny’s lips. “I like it when you call me that.” His eyes were beginning to close, sleep coming to him like a heavy blanket draped on top of his body. His eyelids fluttered and his breath slowed down, Kun’s gentle caresses lulling him to sleep. His body felt warm and comfortable, like laying under the summer sun, cozy and happy.

“You’re the one that’s dearest to me, Johnny.”

~~~~~~~

Johnny was standing on the edge of a clearing, hair and clothes rumpled by the soft breeze that seemed to play around and sway him to its will. He didn’t mind it at all, instead taking a deep breath and enjoying the softness of it. The corners of his mind felt a little foggy, blurred at the edges, like a watercolor picture. He closed his eyes. He must be dreaming.

A voice called out to him. It felt familiar, like coming home after a long journey, opening the door and finding that there’s someone waiting there for you, someone you love so dearly. He opened his eyes, focusing back on the clearing in front of him.

Kun sat on a blanket, staring up at Johnny with warm eyes. In front of them laid all kinds of delicious treats, food Johnny remembered eating when he was a kid, laced with memories of his family and his childhood. Sweets and drinks that brought comfort to him, as well as some of the recipes Kun had tried out and Johnny had loved. Their hand was outstretched for Johnny to take, their smile gentle and inviting.

Johnny walked closer and laced his fingers with Kun’s, feeling like a weight was lifted off his chest, something he hadn’t known was there in the first place. He sat down next to them, cuddling up to Kun and basking in the feeling of safety and comfort he knew only Kun could provide him.

They stayed there for what felt like hours, just eating and sharing kisses, tender touches that set Johnny’s skin alight. He didn’t want this to end, even if it was just a dream. Something about it was so familiar. Like he had been here before.

Kun laid down and gently guided him to rest on top of them, pillowing Johnny’s head against their chest. Johnny did as told, but not without sneaking a kiss or two from Kun, who laughed and kissed back with the same vigor. Once Johnny had settled down, Kun gently reached for his chin and tilted his head up, towards the sky.

Swirls of gold filled his vision, dancing around in a practiced waltz, mixing with a myriad of other colors, jumping, twirling, fluttering around. Johnny stared in awe, eyes trained on the breathtaking sky.

He finally understood where he was, and how he got there. It wasn’t a dream, it was a memory. Kun had painted the sky for him, once, many years ago. This was what the man had asked for his wife, the last thing they saw before their souls merged together. This was one of Johnny’s memories.

“My dear,” Johnny heard Kun say, their voice loud and clear despite the fuzziness in his head. “I love you so much, words can’t describe how I feel. So I felt the need to show you, to let you see for yourself how the skies danced for you, and only you.” He felt the sudden urge to look at Kun’s face once more, to kiss their lips again. Tilting his head back, he looked away from the sky for the first time.

Kun’s face was tear stained, but each tear left an iridescent trail on their skin, like small gemstones falling from their eyes. Their irises were no longer brown, but the same beautiful golden color that adorned the sky. It looked lovely on them. A bright halo rested atop their head, and it reminded Johnny of the sun that shone in the sky above them. Still, he couldn’t tear his eyes away from Kun.

Johnny smiled, feeling completely at ease for the first time in so long.

“I love you, Kun.”

**Author's Note:**

> A big phat kith to Lou (@sunnyjohnnys on twt) for beta-ing this monstrosity I luv u so much mwah thank u<3
> 
> Yell at me about Johnkun on twt @IsabelArmuelles pls I’m begging u
> 
> Thanks for reading!!!


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